There have been a lot of changes in our little household in these past couple of weeks. You guys are going to have to bear with me here, because I’m going to get a little personal. For the most part, I try to keep my marriage/finances/work life off of this blog … these subjects tend to open up cans of worms I would prefer not to have to deal with in such a public setting. At the same time, when a big change occurs, if effects all aspects of our family … and it’s almost impossible to write about the kids, or parenting in general these days without talking about giant pink elephant in the room.
The husband lost his job.
I’m not going to discuss how, or why or with whom because in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter. Here are the things that matter:
a) he is no longer employed with a company he worked for for a very long time.
b) at this time, we are not expecting any issues with him being able to receive unemployment, so we will be fine financially.
c) however, without him bringing in a ‘real’ paycheck, we can’t afford for either of the boys to be in daycare/preschool
d) this means he is at home with them full-time. by himself.
I honestly did not even expect that I would blog about all of this because I figured other than the kids not being at daycare, there wouldn’t be any change to our daily life and thus would not impact my writing.
WRONG. My entire world has been rocked. Our entire routine has changed. The boys are now dealing with a completely different view of the world. I have no idea how/why I trivialized all of this, but I was so so so dead wrong.
The husband is an excellent daddy, and God bless him, he has been a trooper through all of this. His main concern when we pulled the boys out of daycare was the Mouse. Didn’t he need the interaction? The curriculum? The routine? Even if this was just for a few weeks … would he fall behind? How would he keep him entertained/stimulated throughout the day? And what about the Froggy … would he be able to keep him on a good routine? On top of all those concerns: how the hell would he stay sane at home by himself when he was used to going to work and being with adults all day long?
I’m not going to lie, it’s been an adjustment for all three of them. Husband had to learn how to keep the boys on a routine, while also realizing that there IS NO ROUTINE. He has to know nap time exists, but go with the flow and know that getting to the gym everyday at a certain time probably isn’t going to happen … and that’s okay. He had to learn that he’s not going to be able to sit down at the computer and look for a job for hours at a time when he wanted to, because the kids need to be corralled and fed and entertained. He can’t say, ‘I’m going to clean today’ and actually get the whole house clean {which is how he usually operates} … he’ll be lucky if he gets one room done.
But he’s getting there. He’s actually really lucky that this happened when it did in April and not July or something. It’s the prettiest month of the year here in DFW. They can go to a different park every single day. They’ve been to the library. They go on walks. There’s no reason for them to have to be cooped up at the house all day every day. Soon though, it’ll be 108* out and it might get a little hard to find free entertainment. They’ll adapt though … new tricks will be learned. New secret places unearthed and utilized.
Of all the people in the household, I kind of feel like this has been weirdest for me. I sit at work all day long, and get texts and pictures and videos from my whole family having fun together … and I feel completely lousy. I want to be there with them. I try not to say this around the husband too much, because he would give his left foot to have my job right now {or any job for that matter}. The truth is, we would change positions with each other in a heartbeat. He wants go to work to bring home a paycheck and health insurance … and I want to stay home and watch my little guys grow up.
We’re making it work though. ‘This too shall pass’, right? Hopefully, the husband will not only find a new job, but a new NON retail job with NORMAL working hours. Something that doesn’t require him to be at work until 11pm, or work holidays and weekends. Because I’m not going to lie, I have LOVED having him home with us. I’ve seen more of him in the past two weeks than I feel like I did all last year. He thinks I’m going to get tired of him … but I love it.
Funniest thing to happen so far? I got home last Friday evening and the husband said:
Okay, if I’m going to be at home for a while now, and taking the boys all over the place by myself I’m going to need something.
Oh really? What’s that honey?
I have to have a new ‘manly’ diaper bag. I refuse to carry around that Vera Bradley tote anymore. I don’t care what it looks like, but it can’t have birds and leaves and flowers all over it.
LOL. Okay honey, I think we can swing that.
If you have any words of wisdom, or any tips for being a SAH parent with small kiddos … comments would be greatly appreciated. I’ll pass them on to the husband as he works to adapt to this new role. Thanks in advance guys for not bombarding me with personal questions that I more than likely will not answer, lol.
Thanks for sharing! What an adjustment!
My number 1 advice thing? Get up and ready before the kids wake up. Makes for a much more productive day.
Number 2? Go to bed early.
Sorry to hear he lost his job.
Get him on Pinterest to find creative things to do with the boys!
I’m a pretty sucky SAHM so I’m not the best for ideas, lol. 
Sorry about him losing his job. It’s happened to me twice and it sucks. My main piece of advice as a SAHM is to just get out of the house everyday. He might sometimes feel like getting the boys ready and getting from point A to point B is too large a task to tackle, but just do it. Even if it’s just a trip to PetSmart to look at the fish and kitties, it will help maintain his sanity.
My number 1 piece of advice is to have a flexible but pretty regular routine. We have somewhere to be every morning at 9am, whether it’s a playgroup or a story time, or whatever. It gets us up and out of the house. We usually spend all morning out, either with friends or at a park or running errands. Back for lunch around noon, nap times are at 1. Afternoons are more laid back because nap time isn’t always predictable.
Anyway, the kids seem to respond really really well to this. They ask every morning where we’re going that day and they like talking about everything they’re going to do. It’s nice and predictable for them, but not boring since it’s not the same exact thing every day. I like it because it makes me feel like I’m still living in the real world, and keeps me from my natural tendencies of wanting to sit around and be lazy all day. And of course if something comes up that’s fine, because it’s not a rigid timetable, just a routine.
Best of luck to him and you!
So sorry to hear this. What an adjustment.
SAH can be really awesome, but its also much harder than it seems. Things I’ve realized: Always get dressed – it makes you feel more human, try to get out of the house at least once a day, and remember to have a little fun for yourself, even if it means watching crap TV while folding laundry.
And if you are worried about the boys “curriculum” there are tons of free, preschool/tot school resources online that make learning easy and fun.
Best of luck!
We went through this w/ my husband the summer before last. It was really tough on all of us. He found another job after 4 months and it was a huge relief! You’re fortunate to live in a big metro area – he can likely take the boys to any park and find adults to talk to and playmates for the boys. There’s likely a dad playgroup around as well.
I feel for you — as the breadwinner.
This was me. For TWO years. While the hubs was able to find odd jobs here and there, he finally went back to school. Taking 19 credit hours (starting when Thad was 3 weeks old) was insane.
It will get better, but for now, enjoy the spend that time you’re getting with him. =)
p.s. Sorry it’s not the longest or greatest advice, all of a sudden I am POOPED…lol
Tell him good luck with the job hunt.
Also plan one outing a day. Getting out of the house is good for everyone, even if it is just a trip to the Library.
Aw man that’s rough to have everything flipped around so suddenly like that. I know he will find something amazing soon- but in hindsight I’m sure he will be so glad later down the road that he got to spend this time with the boys. Good luck to you guys! Skip Hop makes a very manly plain diaper bag.
Wow! That’s a sudden and dramatic life change for all you guys!
On my stay at home days I find it really helpful to schedule something so that the whole day isn’t just a bunch of stuff that can get done ‘any time’ because for me ‘I can do that any time’ is secret code for ‘I’m going to put it off and then at the end of the day realize there’s no more ‘any time’ left.’ So it works out better for me if I schedule a playdate, a story time, or even something less hard and fast like a ‘making a funny face pizza’ lunch date or ‘scavenger hunt in the park for things that start with ‘S” or whatever that M can look forward to and I can use to break up the day.
Good luck! Hang in there!
I have so many things to say! First, I’m glad you wrote about this. Second, it is hard for everyone, but I sympathize with you the most. I just returned to work and my husband is a SAHD, so I understand how you feel. I want to be home with my kids so much (or at least only work part time). It’s going to be great for your boys to get so much time with their dad though. I would give you advice on what they can do during the day, but it sounds like you guys have it all covered. Oh, and most importantly, http://www.diaperdude.com/.
I got nothing in the advice arena. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing with us. I know your hubby will do great! And I’m sure he will treasure this time he gets to spend with his boys. Tell him I said, “Good Luck!” on the job hunting front and that I’m sending him positive job finding vibes!
Oh and as far as the diaper bag situation, my husband uses an old North Face back pack that he’s had for years. I got him a diaper dude changing station that he drops in. It works great for him! There are some great daddy diaper bags out there, but just so that he knows, he doesn’t have to have a diaper specific bag if he doesn’t want one.
Hopefully this is just a temporary adjustment for all of yall. My bf lost his job when I was 8 months pregnant an decided to do some freelancing at home and be a SAHD until the right job came along. While we are still waiting for this job, he has been great with the baby. I love getting pictures of what they’re doing all day long and although it’s super hard for me while I’m at work (commenting on blogs) I know that this time together is so special for both of them. Yes it’s hard being the mommy and wanting to come home and play yet needing to clean or cook or whatever I feel I need to do to maintain the household and he wants to use that time to finish up on work or look for jobs or whatever so neither of us feels like we are “off”. But it’s just how it is for now and I know in the future when everything is “how it should be” it was this rocky time that got us there.
Best of luck for all of you
And yes the Texas weather has been phenomenal the past few days!!!
I love that you were so honest about the changes in your life. I know my husband would love to be a stay at home dad, but at the same time would have a hard time not being the primary breadwinner. It’s an interesting dichotomy, but a situation I’m sure you guys will figure out. In the meantime I hope your hubs enjoys every moment with those boys. Good luck to you guys.
Oh wow. I am sorry for this big change. It is always hard when you have a crazy routine change!
My husband is not a full-time SAHD but he is home with the boys Monday and Friday. He tries to have free-play time, library story time, park time. We also started making sure to have time where they sit at a table and have learning time. Writing, coloring, craft project. I’ve been so proud of my husband for sitting down with both boys and taking time to help them learn something new!
Sometimes if he gets bored he will call a friend and have a daddy playdate, which I think is really cute. I don’t know if your hubs has any friends that don’t work every day but that is another thing he can do.
I hope he is able to get a job soon. Prayers for your family during this time!
DH has put in his notice for his current teaching job and while he’s looking for new positions as an administrator, there’s a real possibility that he will be a SAHD to two boys in the Fall when I go back to work after maternity leave. So I don’t have any advice to GIVE, but I’d love to get any advice you have along the way. I expect that we’ll face very similar challenges (and we’ll have two boys too!)
Best of luck!
I could have written this post. My husband lost his job in October, unfortunately I was 7 months pregnant with our second. He still hasn’t found a job, but we are all surviving. He is getting used to have 2 kids at home with him all day. Like you, I would switch places with him in a heartbeat. Hang in there, it starts to become the new ‘normal’. I pray that both your husband and mine find good jobs!
I SAH in the summers, so my biggest pieces of advice are 1. plan ahead for lunches (pack) the night before. You’llsave money, sanity and not have to hurry home 2. cheap activites (structured) are a great place-holder for daycare. Swim lessons at a local Y, gymnastics class, music classes for the little guy, that kind of stuff…plus it will get hubs on a routine and out of the house 3. “quiet time” does wonders if naptime doesn’t happen. Pop in a movie, get the kiddos set up (maybe this wont’ work for the little guy, though).
Wow, in reading this it’s like I’m seeing my own situation replay with someone else. My husband has been the SAHD since our son was born, but that comment about wanting so badly to switch places? Yeah, that’s us. Financially, it’s not feasible right now, but I can completely empathize with you on seeing the pictures from the park or swim lessons or whatever fun adventure their having and thinking ‘ IWANT!!!’
My husband has had to deal with many adjustments, not only in coming to terms with putting his career on hold for a while (he was finishing school when I got pregnant and we made the decision that his career would wait for a bit so he could stay at home with the babe), as well as having to adapt to the changes these children go through as they grow up. If your husband needs an outlet to vent, you should direct him to the Daddy Blogs
My husband decided to start a blog to give the SAHD perspective and it’s been a great source of release for him. http://www.MevsGavin.com
And when it comes to the manly diaper bag, check out Diaper Dude (www.diaperdude.com) bags ! (another commenter mentioned it as well) I registered for one for my husband when I had my baby shower and he loves that thing! They even come in camo
Steph
P.S. By the way, I just love the pictures you post of your adorable boys!!!
I’ve got nothing except that you learn by doing. I think hes got the parenting thing down. Its the stay at home thing that you just kind of figure out as you go. Depends on the kids.
For all of you- cyber hugs headed your way as you guys find your feet in this new reality!
I obviously don’t know how this situation is with kiddos, but I do know exactly how the whole husband losing their job thing goes. My advice for that…be patient and learn which battles are worth the fight. It was hard for us at first, especially with the money thing, but I had to realize that it took a toll on husband’s man pride in more ways than one. Sorry that it happened, but perhaps it’s for the best in the long run. Good luck love.
Oh hon
It’s not easy for anyone to be a FT SAH parent. Just like it’s not easy to be a FT WAH parent. I think sometimes many of us think the grass is so much greener, that if we could just escape to a job or if we could just stay home, things would be so much easier. But no matter how you slice it, no matter what you dress it up in, no matter who brings home the bacon, parenting is just not easy… and life changes, especially drastic ones, can make it even more challenging. I’m sure you all will come through this wonderfully. Big hugs to all of you.
I meant WOH parent…
Good luck, love. SAH is not easy, but it sounds like your husband is doing a fantastic job. My advice would be to get out as much as possible, maybe join a parents group or visit story time every now and then – something that will allow him to spend time with other parents. My thoughts are with you <3