I have a friend who is expecting their first child this Fall. Over the past few weeks we’ve been chatting about what they should expect at the hospital, all the fun ‘baby stuff’ they should register for, and mostly — how their lives are about to make a complete 180* turn. If I had to make a list of things REALLY expect, of ‘parenting truths’ both good and bad? This would be it.
Pro - Knowing this tiny person believes in their heart that the sun rises and sets around you, and you alone.
Con - You won’t get a decent night’s sleep again until they’re ten.
Pro - An excuse to go see all the awesome animated movies that come out without other people giving you the side eye.
Con - You won’t get to see anything with a rating of PG13 or up for the next 10 years.
Pro - You now get to celebrate Mother’s or Father’s Day!
Con - You won’t get to celebrate any of the other holidays for yourself for the next 18 years.
Pro - Cute baby clothes! Tiny onesies! Itty bitty shoes!
Con - Vomit-covered baby clothes! Poop-stained onesies! Tiny shoes that take 3 minutes to cram on tiny feet!
Pro - Tax breaks!
Con - The cost of daycare. The cost of diapers. The cost of college tuition.
Pro - Belly laughs in the bath tub.
Con - Poops in the bath tub.
Pro - All the cool toys!
Con - Stepping on Legos or Hot Wheels at 2:15am.
Pro - Knowing that you created an actual person.
Con - Knowing that you are now responsible for making sure this person doesn’t turn into an asshole. Or serial killer.
Pro - You probably had a bunch of sex to create this baby!
Con - Hope you enjoyed it.
Pro - Tiny-mouthed kisses.
Con - Tiny-mouthed and snotty-nosed kisses.
Got any ‘parenting truths’ you would include? Lay ‘em on me. Also, feel free to Tweet ‘em at me to @tottums on Twitter!