Halp.
I need help, people. As I sit here, planning out the Mouse’s fourth birthday party {sob} I am listening to said Mouse SCREAM in his room. Why is he screaming? Because he was sent to bed early. What was he sent to bed early? Because he was asked several times to be quiet, and continued to be noisy when the Froggy was already asleep. He was not happy with us.
We’ve always used the ‘timeout’ method. One minute per year old, and all that jazz. It’s always working reasonably well. But as he gets older … not so much. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. We’ve taken to sending him to him room if it’s a particularly bad offense, but even that sometimes doesn’t have an effect. It’s gotten to the point where we’ve started taking away things he likes, which absolutely shatters his world, and then makes me feel like the worst mommy ever.
For example, tonight, he was told, ‘Mouse, if you’re not quiet you will be sent to bed early’. Then he was sent to bed. He proceeded to scream and cry and throw a huge fit for 15 minutes straight. When the husband asked me to go in and talk to him, the Mouse didn’t seem to understand what was happening to him. This whole ‘consequence’ thing is unknown to him {other than timeout, I mean}. He sat in bed and continued to say, ‘I’ll be good now Mommy, I don’t want to go to bed’ … and I kept thinking, ‘he gets it, he knows we’re serious, I bet I could let him up now for a while’ … and then I had to smack myself across the face and remind myself to be strong.
As parents, I get that second guessing yourself is part of the job. I had one really strict parent, and one really big pushover parent. I’ve become the strict parent … with the laid back parent’s conscience. I’m terrified of raising one of ‘those’ kids, which makes me think I need to be the ‘strict’ parent. Then at the same time I see my kid crying, and looking up at me with those big blue eyes and I just want to scoop him up and give him an ice cream cone and a puppy.
It will get easier, right? He’s just turning into a ‘real’ kid now … he’s not a toddler, or a baby anymore. With that comes more rules, and more complex discipline on my part, right? Tell me I’m not the only mommy dealing with this … what have you guys found that works for you and your kiddos? I’m so at odds between knowing I need to stop treating him like he’s 2, and also knowing that he still is a little kid.
Halp.
It’s hard. Whenever I get the guilty feeling, I try to remind myself that I’d rather be the one disciplining now, than someone else who doesn’t have as much invested in my LO later. My mom would tell us that she prayed that everything we did wrong, we got caught and punished for. I used to think that she was the meanest person alive for praying for that. Now that I’m a parent, I get it. I want my munchkin to understand and experience consequences now, when they are going to bed early or not getting to go to a birthday party, rather than later when they are much more serious.
Don’t beat yourself up. You did great.
Oh, my…so familiar. One thing we’ve been doing lately with our 4 yo, is really making sure he understands the “problem” and the “consequence”. We pull him aside and tell him what the expectation is. In your case from last night, being quiet so he doesn’t wake the baby up. Then we explain that he has a choice. He can continue to be loud, but then he’ll have to go to bed early. Or he can be obedient, and stay awake with mommy and daddy and read a book/play a game, whatever. Then, we have him explain back what the expectation and the consequences are if he doesn’t obey. I often ask him, are you going to choose obedience or disobedience?
He seems to like having the power to choose. It doesn’t work perfectly and we still have meltdowns, but it is helping.
I think you did the right thing. You need to hold strong when they are throwing their tantrums. They will eventually get it, they can’t cry or yell forever.
I don’t have a kiddo that is past toddler stage yet, so i can’t give you much more advice
Oh my goodness. I wrote a post last week, I think it was, about the state of tantrums in our house. They are awful. You are not alone. Last night Landon cried for 15 minutes because I put his shoes on instead of his grandma ::headdesk::
After a year of these fits I’ve got to say that I am completely sick of them. They have only gotten worse as he gets older and I wonder if I’ll ever catch a break. This morning he cried non-stop because I picked out the wrong shorts for him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a terrible mother.
You are NOT a terrible mother. Neither one of us are. This is the first time we’re doing this! It’s all Greek to me. We can cry together, Molly. lol
Stick to your guns!! You did exactly what needed to be done! The world needs more parents like that!!
I totally feel you. My 3-year old daughter has become the whiniest little thing the last few weeks. Timeouts are not working, as she just continues to whine and cry and say, “I want to be nice.” I love her to death but she drives me crazy sometimes!
I think that taking things away that he treasures is a great idea. You may feel horrible, but obviously it works! As awful as it may sound, the more upset he is I think the more it “sticks”. My nephew is the same age (4 in June) and time outs and the “1….2….3″ before the time out work for him, but if they aren’t working for Mouse, I would totally have a special box to hold his treasures that you take away when he’s “bad” and then he can earn them back from apologizing or doing a little chore or something. Every kid is different, but my nephew DEFINITELY “gets it” when it is explained to him why he had a time out or was disciplined in whatever way my SIL chooses.
I, for one, have always been a firm believer of not using their room/bed as punishment as I’ve always wanted it to be a safe place for them to be, and to WANT to go to bed and have a nice sleep. But that is just my opinion and what works for my family!
It does get easier. THe tantrums may be longer and louder, but your will will get stronger. They will not be scarred for life or hate you. They may not like you for a brief moment, but everything will be fine in the end. We found out pretty fast that time out really does not work well for Aiden. WE’ve been doing the ” take away things” routine for almost a year now. Mostly started when he would get mad and throw something so we took it away. Now if he is bad as school or at home. He looses his nightly show. Then he will loose bedtime books. And we will even go as far as taking away things for the following night. We skipped over an outting to a waterpark last summer because he was being a terror and he was pretty mad he didn’t go and we were pretty mad that we couldn’t go either, but we had to stand our ground. He now knows that if he is bad that he loses something.
I have avery similar post in my head and haven’t had time ti type it out. I’ve gotten a little lazy with my discipline lately because it is just so hard and exhausting. I have noticed the effects, though, so now I am trying to crack down again. I sent my 7 year old to bed early just the other night and listened to her cry for 20 minutes. Discipline is never easy, but you did the right thing!