Mommy needs a beer. Or? Teething sucks.

Today was supposed to be a ‘normal’ Monday. I mean, Mondays are never the ‘best day ever’ – but usually, they’re tolerable. I was supposed to have a productive day at work, and then come home and spend some time with my boys, put them to bed, and then write up a great review post about my new snazzy glasses {which I LOVE}.

And then, life happened. And like any self-respecting blogger, I am now going to whine about it on my blog.

It started at 415am this morning. I woke up to the sound of my pug taking not one, but two gigantic dumps on my bedroom carpet. By the time I woke up from a sleepy haze and realized what he was doing, he had moved on to whizzing a gallon of pee right next to it {and yes, he absolutely DID get let out several times yesterday evening, I have no idea what his deal was, he never has accidents}. The husband and I rolled out of bed like two zombies and attempted to not step in steaming piles of poo – and this is when I realized there was something wrong with my eye.

I had stayed up late watching the last half of the last season of Sex and the City – which meant I had cried a bunch {obviously}. So my eyes were all puffy. This plus the crazy allergies I’ve been experiencing, meant one eye was swollen and red and crazy itchy. It felt like I had sandpaper under my right eyelid – yay! We got the pee and feces cleaned up, I soaked a washcloth with cold water, threw it over my eye, and attempted to go back to sleep. 30 seconds later, it was 615 and my alarm was going off. Also? The Froggy was SCREAMING in his crib.

The husband had to be out the door and at work EARLY, so it was just me and the Froggy {the Mouse spent that night with family}. I attempted to get ready with an eye that was beet red and watering like crazy, while the Froggy inconsolably screamed. I looked a hot mess with no eye makeup, but we made it out the door. And yes, the Froggy screamed the whole way to daycare.

I made it through 3/4 of the day of work before my eyes just couldn’t take it anymore. This happens to me about once a year, something shows up in the air, and they go all BSC on me. My boss took one look at how I had gone from bad to worse looking, and sent me home. I got about an hour of laying with a cold rag over my eyes, before I had to go pick the kids up.

The Froggy immediately started screaming when I picked him up, although daycare said he had been pretty good most of the day. By the time we got to GMIL’s house, he was having an all-out scream-a-thon. I mean, full on wailing, crocodile tears, kicking the seat in front of him inconsolable. Nothing would appease him there, so I packed him and the Mouse up and we headed home. We were home for an hour with continuous screaming … and I decided I needed to take him to urgent care. Nothing would make him stop screaming. I had given him some children’s Motrin, he wouldn’t touch food or a sippy, he didn’t want to be held or put down, he just wanted to SCREAM. The only time I’ve ever seen another kid like this was when the Mouse had a double ear infection. So, to urgent care we went.

Not even a chocolate chip cookie could make it better.

Of course, it took 6 minutes to get there, and he fell asleep in the damn car. So when I woke him up to take him into a quiet waiting room? He was nice and rested to start screaming again. That is, until I paid my copay, and then he was miraculously cured, and spent 20 minutes running around with his brother shrieking with delight, having the time of his life. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH CHILDREN?

All the nurses ooohed and ahhhhed over how good he was, and oh, look at his blue eyes, and sweet curls … and he ate it up and smiled, showing off that dimple of his.

It’s all fun and games until the doctor walks in with a stethoscope. the Froggy then proceeded to freak. As in, you would have thought that metal circle against his back was actually burning a hole into his soul or something. The doctor was super nice, and really did try to work with him … but I finally had to hold him down so she could get a look at his ears and throat. The diagnosis? Teeth. One little side bottom tooth coming in.

::headdesk::

It’s now 745pm, and the Froggy has been shrieking like a banshee for over 2 hours for a tooth. And I get it, teething SUCKS … but seriously kid? This is excessive. It’s time to man up. Realize that you do, in fact, need teeth. Everyone has to grow them – including you. You officially freaked your mother out, caused her to spend $20 worth of copay to be told by a doctor {who I’m sure is cursing me for keeping her late} that ‘Yeah, you have a toddler. Guess what, THEY TEETHE!’

I came home, put the Froggy in bed, put the Mouse on the couch with the iPad, took a cold shower, and then poured myself a cold beer.

Or three.